So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
