So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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