I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
