she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
