You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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