You're my little dorito
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
