he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
