so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
