Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
