I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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