So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
