i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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