Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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