Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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