My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
