TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
