Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
