I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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