I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
