We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
