my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
