I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
