why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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