all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
