so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
