im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So vagazzling was a success
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
