Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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