I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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