i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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