Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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