took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
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Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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