It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
