When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
