the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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