Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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