If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
