Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
