Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
