You're my little dorito
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
