i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
