How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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