She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
