I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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