Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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