Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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