Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my phone needs a breathalizer
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
