Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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