im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
