I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
