tell your sister to shave her snatch
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
