If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
