if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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