85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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