Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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