the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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