So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
