I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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