Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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