peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
