Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
