Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
