5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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