2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
