fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
