So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
