didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
