And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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