Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
