peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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