life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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