I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
