I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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