I'm passing your future prison.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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