So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
