should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
